Iranian mourners’ calls for revenge were partially answered last night when US Senator Lindsey Graham was killed by an exploding child android.
Graham received a package containing what appeared to be a small boy and failed to notice it was postmarked Tehran instead of the customary Tel Aviv. Upon opening it, the bloodthirsty pedophile senator also failed to notice that the “boy” was constructed out of LEGO. Graham’s bedroom was completely destroyed by the explosion, and portions of his toupé were found more than a block from his house.
Services for the demented warmongering pedophile will be held on Epstein Island and attended by the usual blackmailed perverts including Donald Trump, Bill and Hillary Clinton, and Pete Hegseth, all of whom have been cautioned to remain vigilant in the face of potential threats involving deadly Iranian-made LEGO child simulacra.
Donald Trump, in a late night Truth Social tweet, threatened that if Iran tried to blow him up with an exploding Laura Loomer LEGO android he would “drop billions of big beautiful bombs on them, big beautiful boobs, I mean bombs, like nobody has ever seen before.”
Reached in his Tehran bunker, the Supreme Leader of Iran denied any plans to build a Laura Loomer android. The Leader explained that replicating the essence of Loomer’s unique hideousness was a task far beyond current limits of Iran’s ever-advancing exploding LEGO technology, and that it would be cruel and unusual to subject Iranian engineers to a task requiring them to contemplate and replicate anything so disgusting.
